My last blog..

It's been a good run, but I think I am going to pack in my blogger days. I want to thank everyone who read them and hopefully had a good laugh at my antics. If you are wondering why I am not going to write anymore, it is simply because even though this is a great outlet to release what you are thinking and feeling it is still "online". Even though I am not a girl of many secrets, I feel sometimes I want to be more emotional and dive deeper into how I am feeling without a bunch of people knowing. I am having my surgery on Monday, December 21st, 4 days away.. yikes! Wish me luck! I hope everyone has a great Holiday Season and a Happy New year!!

That's all folks! I'm out.

NOW I'M REALLY REALLY! HAPPY!

So. They called me back to confirm Monday, December 21st. Yep a whole week earlier. I am so beyond happy and excited I can't even say it enough. Something that I have been planning for, preparing for and looking forward to since the beginning of October finally is happening!! I was so beyond disappointed when It was cancelled on the 3rd, and then to find out that I would have to wait until the end of January. I mean I really felt like nothing was working out. I am so ready for this. I want it so bad, I'm OK with it ruining my Christmas eve and New Years eve. This is so much more important. I feel like things are back on track and I'm finally over my big hurdle. But in reality the journey has just begun and I truly cannot wait!

NOW I'M REALLY HAPPY!

I just got a phone call from my doctor telling me that my insurance has reversed my appeal and my surgery is now APPROVED!!!!!!!!
And now for even better news, I am going tomorrow after work at 5:30 to see if the can reschedule it earlier. It was suppose to be January 21st and now there might be an opening for Monday, December 28th! That seriously is like the best present in the whole world! I hope and pray and wish that they tell me this can happen. I start Optifast on Thursday... again! OMG I am so excited!!! The only thing is now my New Year's is really going to be boring lol but I really don't care because this is worth it!

happy

I don't know what it is lately, but I have just been in the best mood. It's amazing how girls go from highs to lows and vice verse. Yesterday I pretty much had the best day ever. I actually had a Sunday with Lee, which never happens anymore because of work. What made it even more amazing, was the fact that it was raining and horrible out. I know that sounds very strange but, when that type of a day comes around on a Sunday, it's magical. We actually did go to Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast but then went right home, and spent the day watching TV and a movie. It was pure bliss. Andy cuddled up with us too. Then we went to Lee's moms house for dinner with her and Lee's brother. It was so nice to see them. I have to say it's so weird I actually like my boyfriends mother. I mean I have liked other boyfriends mothers before, but they either didn't like me or we just didn't click. I don't know its just so perfect. I usually don't like using that word for obvious reasons because nothing is perfect. But when it comes to my relationship with Lee, it comes damn close. I never thought in a million years I would find the love of my life. He truly has my heart and I know that I have his. He is the most amazing person/boyfriend I have ever had in my entire life. I am a place in my life where everything looks blurry.. I really don't know my future. Even when I think I do, something always changes, one thing I do know for sure, i know that Lee will always be in my life and that makes me feel so good inside. I know people are reading this like YUCK. I know this is a very mushy blog but I have moments where this stuff really hits me and I felt the need to express it. Its a wonderful thing I hope everyone gets to expereience at least once..

Chapter 2

I decided to take the bull by the horns regarding my surgery. I called today and made an appointment with my doctor and basically demanded we get to the bottom of this insurance situation. He told me the issue is my bmi was too low. So I hopped on the scale and they took my height and I just made it! I guess I must have gained a few extra pounds since finding out it was cancelled. Which by the way is ridiculous. So after that they told me the bad news. That I would have to wait a few weeks before resubmitting my case. My next tentative surgery date is January 21st. Ugh so long away! Let's hope it actually happens.

Big Balls!

For some reason today I decided to walk into my bosses office and ask for a raise. Now I understand that we are in a recession and most people would think that it's crazy and it is. BUT here is the kicker that made me ask. My company used to be around 25-30 people we just sold it to another company and basically the production end is now working and getting paid by another company. I stayed here with the owners and now there is only about 7 employees including the owners. I am the Art Director here and I am the only one left. My other artist is on Maternity bed rest leave until about May 2010 and the freelance artist never comes in because I basically can handle the work load. So I used to be able to lean on 1 or 2 people now I can't. Also our pre-press department was 2 guys who used to help me with computer tech problems. They are not here anymore so again I have no one to help me. I think that being said I am completely justified in asking for a raise. Nothing crazy, just a little something to say "hello you're the only one left of 5 people helping you" here is a little something to let you know we care and appreciate you. When I asked he snickered and said we will talk about it next week, tomorrow is my court date for my DUI. I probably could have picked a better day... what do you think? lol

LOVE LIFE

I'm sitting at my desk listening to Glee songs and for some reason I had this over whelming sense of happiness come over me. I just started to think about my life and how lucky I am to have what I have. There are millions and millions of people all over the world who live with major problems. People who suffer from diseases,hunger or even loneliness. Trust me I don't get it either, I don't know why listening to this music sparked something inside me, but I'm happy it did. I take for granted everyday the amazing life I live. I'm going to try to make a conscience effort to be more appreciative of what I have around me. I am blessed with an amazing family. Great friends who would be there for me no matter what. My wonderful boyfriend who turned out to be everything I wanted and more. I love my job and thankfully still have it after 4 years. Nothing in my life is perfect but my god it comes close when you compare it to the troubles of someone else. I cannot complain. Unfortunately this unrealistic theory won't last because of the world we live in, but I know there will be a time when I am upset and complaining about something and I will try to stop and think and say.. it's not that bad... someone else has it way worse. Look around at where you are and be thankful its not in a war zone. Go home and look at the people you love and be thankful they are still here and in your life because they won't be forever. Be happy you have a car to take you anywhere your heart desires, money to buy anything you want, and food to put in your stomach when your hungry. When you go to sleep tonight think of the pillow under your head and have sweet dreams...

I'm the type of person

who never checks the weather. If I ever claim to know anything about rain or snow or how the weekend is going to be.. it's just because someone told me. I like it wing it. I'm sitting at my desk and I needed to use a paper clip, so I went to take one and there were like 3 linked together. That is so oddly aggravating. It's quiet here every since the production end of my job moved to Oceanside. I come in and I go into the Art Department and it's so quiet you can hear the humming sound of the printer. I thought I would like this, no one to bother me I can just settle in do what I have to do, occasionally go on Facebook (when I say occasionally I mean all the time) but I've come to the conclusion that this is absolutely not what I want and like. I miss the other artists who I used to talk to. I miss my pre press boys! Now I just sit here.. me, 3 macs and a printer. At the very least I get to write and work on things on my pace. But it's still not the same.

on a side note I still have not heard anything regarding my surgery. I'm very dissapointed about the whole thing. I mean who does that happen to? me! You know what is so nervy too? The hospital called me on Thursday asking me if I was going because I had surgery. No one even bothered to call South Nassau to tell them, hey this girl cannot have surgery her insurance isn't covering it, we need to reschedule. ME, THE PATIENT had to do it. I mean really are they serious? Idk all I know is i'm still not totally over this whole thing. The only thing good that came out of it was I was able to redo my living room and I was able to attend my friend Mike's party. Both were great but um.. this life altering surgery that I have been mentally and physically preparing for would have been much better. Ok I'm done now. I got literally 4 hours of sleep last night I guess I'm a little cranky! : /

I read my..

old posts and think it's sad that I wanted that so bad and I know that it never happened. I did everything right. I did everything on time. Why the stupid wrench in the gears!!

what a let down

Out of nowhere today I received a phone call that my insurance company denied to cover my surgery. Yes, the day before! Something that I planned for 2 months. Something that I prepared for, friends and family took off work. Things were arranged to accommodate everything. So you can imagine my disappointment and frustration. I am still, hours later.. shocked! I actually don't think it's really sunk in yet. The good news is that it is being appealed and I will most likely have it next week. But it is not definite and I am going to have to prepare all over again. No food, no drinking, water over load! Ugh I just so wanted to this to be over already. I mean I'm not giving up. I'm not putting all my hope into this but people seem to not understand how much I need a physical restriction. I am 27 and I have been on a diet since I was 13. I don't want to be 35, 40, 45 years old still struggling with keeping my weight off. I'm sick of trying so hard to lose it.. only to gain it back. Anyway, my plan is to stay positive and let things fall where they fall. I am going to try to appeal and find out why they really denied it. If I have the chance to do it, I will. If it never comes, I will just have to deal with it.

Liquids only : /

Guzzling down water and drinking Optifast while my coworkers drink coffee and eat muffins isn't exactly what I call fun! BUT I guess ya gotta do whatcha gotta do. Im getting to the point now where I'm not even nervous at all, I just want it to be over with. I guess it will come soon enough. I'm excited, I just posted my Mardi Gras Party for January on Facebook. It should be fun, last year for our house warming we did a Black and White theme which turned out to be a great time. This year the colors are green, gold and my favorite.. Purple! Also my friend who is a DJ offered to DJ lol.
The funniest part of this whole thing is I love parties but I love when they are at my house so I can decorate. I LOVE to do that. It's the best part. The next morning sucks though. Ugh I will never forget that clean up. It took me 2 days and I don't even know how many rolls of paper towels. I may hire someone to help with the clean up? My parents cleaning lady doesn't charge a lot. I know I know I'm broke where do I get the nerve to even mention that. lol. Alright it's lunch time, I can't wait to kick back and dig into a huge glass of water and another optifast shake!

Anxious

So it's Tuesday. My surgery is 2 days away and I am starting to feel a little nervous. Not even about what is happening but just the sublime. I have no idea what to expect, what is going to happen or how I am going to deal/react to it. All I can think about is how after I will have my control back. I hate that feeling of not being in control or not being able to trust yourself. I so want this to be over already. Yesterday when I was at work I got into this huge argument with my boss and I ended up crying in from of him which is SO not my thing. I just burst out into tears and told him that I was stressing out over so many things. He basically crawled into a ball and walked away. He felt so bad. But I felt so bad for losing my cool especially in a work environment. I mean I totally lost respect. I told him to get out of my office and to leave me alone and I never do that! ever! I have never done that in all my years of working. But not for nothing but this time last year, my grandmother passed away. I am having surgery in 2 days and I have not gotten my "girl thing" in 2 months. NO I'm not preggers I have taken a zillion blood tests, my doctor says I am just stressed internally. Not to mention my financial situation. My rent is due today and I cannot pay it. I am really struggling. I need to get shit back in order! I just feel once this is all over things will go back to the way they were but at least more stable. Anyway it probably seems like I am shouting and that I am upset but to be honest I feel worlds better than I felt yesterday and I am in a very good mood. I am going to be putting up Christmas lights tonight with my family which is always fun, and I love seeing Makenzie she is my princess!!!

Anyway on a total subject change.. I watched the show Hoarders last night and OMG it was the worst one yet. These people are so gross, it's so sad. I mean when you have a dead rotting cat in your house and you don't know about it.. then you have a serious problem. I once watched one where this woman had 17! yest 17!!! dead rotting cats! UGH.. I don't know what made me think of this I just needed to vent about the ridiculousness of that show!

Alright back to work. Happy Tuesday!

4 days and counting...

Thursday is the big day and I really couldn't be more excited. It's so funny, I'm usually a very worrisome person and I am not the least bit nervous about my surgery. I guess I am looking at it as a sense of hope. Imagine an alcoholic who has a severe addiction and then having a surgery done to prevent you from drinking. That is the way I am feeling about this. People really don't understand the extent of my problem. I am not afraid, ashamed or embarrassed to admit that I am addicted to food. I use it to accompany any and every emotion I have. In the past year it has only gotten worse and it is now a detriment to my health. I have sleep apnea, high cholesterol and I just found out I have a "high enzyme count" in my liver. I really don't know what that means but my doctor pretty much said he's not going to worry about it because thankfully all these things will go away after the surgery. All I can think about is getting my life back on track. I feel like everything is upside down right now. I do everything in excess! I drink too much, eat too much and because of that I spend too much. I eat too fast, I talk to fast... etc you get the picture. After talking to many people about this who have already had the surgery including my parents I have found out that they all learned to take their time. They learned to appreciate their food and enjoy it not just scarf it down. They learned to drink less and just enjoy drinking not chugging and chugging just to get drunk. My cousin Jennifer who had it done said that she has really completely changed, pretty much everything. I mean when you have an addiction and you use that addiction to occupy your time and energy, it takes away from other things that you could be doing. So after Thursday when and if I feel the urge to binge and go off the wall, I will HAVE to remember that my stomach won't allow it. There is no doubt in my mind that this is going to be very difficult. It's going to be a journey, its going to be a struggle. But the difference this time in comparison to every other time I tried to lose weight is that I know I have something else helping me and I WON'T be able to give up. One part of me is selfishly going to miss going to parties and being able to drink whatever I want, whenever I want. But I have proven to myself that time and time again that I cannot be trusted with myself. I need this more than anyone really knows. I need something to help me slow down because I was seriously eating and drinking myself to death.

A-Z about me...

A is my Ability
B is my Boundless self confidence
C is for little Coward that lives inside me
D is Dork because lets face it.. I am one.
E is for my Ego b/c I def have one
F is for Friendly nature
G is for Gorgeous! come on now!
H is for the Horror I feel when going through an anxiety attack!
I is for my Independance
J is for my least favorite of my relationship qualities Jealous
K is my Kindness
L represents the Love I have in my heart
M is for Moxie
N is for my Naughty side. Every girl has one!
O is for my love of the Ocean
P is for my sometimes too BIG Personality
Q is for Quiet. Something that I am NOT
R is for Reliability.
S is for Special
T is for my Tenacity
U is for Uma Thurman b/c I couldn't think of anything else
V is for my new love of Vampires
W is for is for my new love of Werewolves
X is for my Xanax which helps with my anxiety!
Y is for my Yankees!!!!
Z represents the 26th letter of the alphabet which is my fav number.

HERE WE GO!

SO Last night I went to one of last few appointments before my surgery in 2 weeks. And I have to start taking Optifast to help not only lose some weight but also to shrink my liver so that the procedure goes smoothly. I can't eat or drink anything but the Optifast shakes, bars, water, sugar free jello and broth. OH yeah and I also cannot DRINK FOR ALMOST A MONTH. This will be my biggest feat. I enjoy drinking wine at home and going out with my friends. It will not be impossible just difficult. I have a handful of events coming up in the next week or so that will prove to be big challenges. No eating or drinking. Dr. Vohra said that I can enjoy my thanksgiving meal but only that one night and NO alcohol! My friends are going to be like wtf?? Stefanie is not eating or drinking.. ?? OKay.. Basically this is it. I have to follow this strict plan for the next few weeks and then December 3rd, Surgery here I come. Its funny I am not at all nervous about it. maybe because I have not yet rationalized what is actually happening or maybe because I have never had surgery before so I don't even know what to feel. I am very excited though, to finally be taking such a BIG committed step to getting a grip on my addiction. I am very hopeful, very happy and I cannot wait. Trust me not being able to drink sucks, not being able to enjoy delicious food for the next 2 weeks sucks. But nothing will match how amazing I will feel in the next couple of months when I lose like 30lbs. I am stoked!! Anyway wish me luck and lets see how it goes...

Anxiety!

So I was in bed, everything was fine, I was just tossing and turning a bit when there it was. That familiar horror... that pang in the pit of my stomach. The sharp pain in my head that was so apparent that it made me grab it as if to soothe whatever it was that was creating that damn tickle in my brain. It's so funny when that feeling creeps up on you. It's probably the most overwhelming feeling I have ever experienced in my entire life and even with all the knowledge of what exactly it is that I am feeling, the terror that it will never go away, always seems to linger. Around this time last year was when I lived through my scariest moment. I will never forget that morning. I was at Lee's apartment the night before. We were drinking and playing beer pong, blasting music and dancing around. When I woke up on his couch I could feel "that" feeling immediately. I got up, grabbed my things and went home. My parents were out of town that week, which for me doesn't help my anxiety, I know it may sound silly but I don't like being too far from them, especially my mother. When I got to the house, it was quiet. My dogs were happy to see me and I was happy to see them however that feeling never left the back of my mind, nor the pit of my stomach. My brother was sleeping in his room. I tried to ignore it. I tried to watch TV and cuddle with my dogs but my feeling decided to get the best of me. I raced around my house and flew to the kitchen where I grabbed ice by the handfuls and started putting on my head and around my chest. I wanted it to sting! I wanted it to hurt! I wanted it to take WHAT I WAS FEELING AWAY! I paced up and down the stairs as ice dropped on the floor and melted. I pulled at my hair and threw ice against the wall and yelled!
My brother came downstairs and saw me freaking out and to this day it still hurts me that he didn't take what I was feeling seriously, he just told me to calm down. He took a seat in the dining room table and I told him to drive me to the hospital. He said "there isn't anything they can do, you're having an anxiety attack". I said fine! I will drive myself. I jumped in the car and flew there like I was escaping the cops. I parked my car and ran in. With tears running down my face, dressed in sweats from the night before. My hair in a messy pony tail, make up running and all. I told them I was having an anxiety attack and I needed help. I sat with a nice woman who took my vitals. I told her that I needed ice. She looked at me like was crazy. I remember once nurse looking at me like I was a homeless drug addict because that is exactly how I looked. She said you have to wait 10 minutes before going in. I went outside and, I remember how beautiful it was out that day. A perfect Fall, Sunday morning and I was roaming the parking lot still holding my ice and putting it all over my body to numb the pain I was feeling. People walking in looked at me like I was crazy and I looked at them wishing I could feel normal just for one second. They called me in and I just sat there... waiting to see a doctor. I sat in the emergency ward where every other bed was an old person who looked like they were waiting to die, that freaked me out and didn't help. Finally this tall man walked up and started asking me questions about what I had done earlier?, what I did last night?, if I did drugs?, if I drank? After waiting for a while he gave me something. I think it was Ada van? Well, it knocked me out and passed out for 4 hours. I curled up on the bed, still holding my cup of ice and fell asleep while the tears still rolled and dripped from my face. I felt someone sitting next to me, it was my aunt Yasmin and Lee. They came to see me, which made me feel so much better. But my brain felt like mush. Between the stress it was under during the attack and the medication I felt so groggy... I ended up doing a bunch of tests including a CAT scan and EKG. After talking to the doctor I was finally released. I felt better, but so defeated. I felt so hopeless and scared. I was terrified of feeling that ever again. As I write this I tears streaming down my face because this is the first time, I have ever written about that day and omg does it bring back so many memories. I am so happy that I decided to take medication. I know it's not for everyone but what I felt that day, on a scale from 1-10 was an eleven. Days and weeks prior to that I was feeling at about a 4-7 ALL THE TIME. Before that major attack I was a ticking time bomb. I never knew when or why my anxiety would kick in and the fear of having one left me always on edge. I have been on Lexapro now for over a year and I couldn't be happier with the results. But every once and a while (especially before "the girl thing") I tent to get hints of it but like I said before even though they only last for a period of time, while going through it the horror of it never going away is down right terrifying. Before I wrote this I took 1/2 a xanex to calm me down and now I feel ok. I feel a sense of relief that I got this off my chest and tired because my God I have been writing for quite sometime... I am tired now.. goodnight..

Holiday Wish List...

I know.. I know..
It's very kiddish.. and my 'rents already bought me an iMac but I still think it's so fun to be a kid and write down all thing things you wish you could open up for Christmas morning.

ok here we go...

1- Nintendo Wii
2- Mario Kart & Super Mario Bros for Nintendo Wii
3- Blue tooth head set with sparkles on it.
4- Sephora gift card
5- New camera that has a screen on the front so I can take vain pictures of me and my hot friends
6- Bose, white speaker to plug my iPhone in for parties.
7- Laser eye surgery
8- A small sparkly clutch

Ok I think that is it...

For the record.. this is a "fake" wish list I absolutely do NOT expect any of these gifts, obvi... but.... a girl can dream...

Just realized Thanksgiving in next week. Bring on the Holidays baby!

Busy Bee...

So my surgery is coming up shortly.. 17 days to be exact and man do I have so many things to do before! I thought I was busy before but between now and next Wednesday I have 5 appointments! That is ridiculous. Anyway I was also happy that today when I got to work I knew we were going to busy. It makes my day go by so fast! I have to stop at Old Navy on the way home and exchange Lee's jacket, I need a bigger size. Nothing fits this boy. When I get him a medium, he needs a large, when I buy large, he needs a medium. UGH!!
I am happy for the upcoming mini vacation. I have to think about what I want to do the night before Thanksgiving that always proves to be an amazing night..(Ali what do you think about Luxe?) I def wanna dance and have a great time!

alright.. back to work :)
Happy Monday!

Friday 13th...

So it's the infamous Friday the thirteenth on this gloomy, windy and quite ominous Fall day. Perfect setting for a horror scene. Quite the contrary to how I feel. Besides being full because I had a huge and delicious breakfast I am feeling happy, which is a good thing obviously. I am also a bit tired and groggy. I could totally go back into my bed and snuggle with my Andy Panda. But instead I am at work... and it's so not busy which actually makes me so bored. I would rather it be so busy so the day would fly by. I'm also sporting my new watch today. Its black with sparkles all around the face. I have this affinity for watches and anything that sparkles. Anyway so, I just wanted to write in on how I was feeling today. As I write this my right foot is twitching like I've had too much coffee. I so wanna leave and do something else. I don't know especially on Fridays I get so restless. I'm sure other people feel the same way. It's like I have been here all week and basically I am counting the hours until I can leave, go home and have 2 days off. You know come to think of it I would love to punch the guy in the face, who ever decided that 5 days of work would be allowed and only 2 days of rest.. I mean at least do 4 to 3. I don't get it, that must have been a miserable person. If I had my choice actually I would have Wednesdays off. I have had this debate with people before like, why wouldn't I want Friday or Monday off. But if you think about it, If you have Wednesday off you never have to work more than 2 days a week.
Monday feels like Thursday, Tuesday feels like Friday. It's amazing. Last year I had a lot of vacation days saved up I think I had 9. What I did was for last few months of the year (November, December) I took every Wednesday off for 2 months and let me tell you, it was the most relaxing, stress free thing I ever did. The mental clarity was unbelievable. I mean going into a work week completely sucks, I don't care how much you love your job (which I do for the record) but when you know you have a midweek break and you can relax on Tuesday evening and have sleep in Wednesday morning it's the best thing in the whole world. WOW, I don't know how this became so long. I have to go back to "work" now lol. I hope everyone enjoys their day/weekend. It's not going to be very nice but make the best of it!

I look crazy

I came to my moms house for dinner and while I was here I found A scarf I left here. It's bright pink with a pretty squiggly "S" on it. So I've got that wrapped around my neck. I was playing with McKenzie so my hair is in a messy but slightly cute bun. I am wearing a grey and black shirt....and to top it all off, Andy got a little excited and tinkled on my pants so I'm now sporting my brothers plaid pants. The glasses I'm wearing don't help either.....

Stop signs for buses~!

OK so on the way to work this morning, I realized that buses don't have the stop sign that school buses have.. NOW I know what you are thinking.. School buses need the stop sign because it is for the safety of little children. However not to be mean or anything but there are some stupid human beings running around this planet. What about the safety of drivers who "assume" that adults won't jet out in the street! I'm just saying..

Happy Tuesday!

just venting...

Gotta love Monday mornings especially when you have to take a stress test and run on a treadmill!!!! UGH I am so lying. For all of you who do not know. I am getting the Lapband surgery December 3rd and need to get clearance. SO I have been going to every doctor imaginable. Heart, lungs, blood work, sleep tests, x-rays, sonograms, echos, EKG's... etc.
It's crazy. I mean I know it is necessary but my God it's not only exhausting but expensive, every test is a $30 co-pay which is not a lot if I didn't have like 2-3 appointments every week, but it is pretty much over. I saved the most expensive thing for last, I have to meet with a therapist, just ONE SESSION IS $175.00!! like seriously when she told me that I was like, get f*ck outta here! But I guess it is what it is. After that I just have to focus really hard on losing like 10lbs before the surgery. That's not so hard except for the fact that right smack in the middle of this period is this little known holiday called THANKSGIVING! And to top it all off my mother is the most amazing cook ever especially on this day. She goes all out every year.

Whatever i'll figure it out..
like i always do...

spelling....

Its weird some times i am an amazing speller sometimes I am not.. I would say actually that I am like the "Rain Man" of spelling. Like for instance ask me to spell Antidisestablishmentarianism (the longest word in the English language) correct. But then ill write recieve wrong... lol

can we say overwhelming?

My First Blog!

So it's 11:16am, Friday. I should be working but on what? Who am I kidding right now we are slow. You already know why, no need to say the "E" word. But it's not only that though our company is in the middle of a merge/crossover so that doesn't help the situation either. Enough of about work or lack there of for that matter. I decided to start blogging, well because I am a girl with a lot to say and it's about time. Thanks to my fellow colleague Angeli, who showed me blogspot I am able to do so. I tried using Wordpress but I don't know if i'm just stupid but I could not figure it out for the life of me and I would say that I am a pretty computer savvy girl. Anyway so I also have a Live Journal account which was pretty cool but I never stuck with it. I really don't know why now that I come to think of it. Anyway so here I am writing about nothing actually, I just wanted to get started. I don't know what is to come but hopefully some fun juicy stuff.