Anxious

So it's Tuesday. My surgery is 2 days away and I am starting to feel a little nervous. Not even about what is happening but just the sublime. I have no idea what to expect, what is going to happen or how I am going to deal/react to it. All I can think about is how after I will have my control back. I hate that feeling of not being in control or not being able to trust yourself. I so want this to be over already. Yesterday when I was at work I got into this huge argument with my boss and I ended up crying in from of him which is SO not my thing. I just burst out into tears and told him that I was stressing out over so many things. He basically crawled into a ball and walked away. He felt so bad. But I felt so bad for losing my cool especially in a work environment. I mean I totally lost respect. I told him to get out of my office and to leave me alone and I never do that! ever! I have never done that in all my years of working. But not for nothing but this time last year, my grandmother passed away. I am having surgery in 2 days and I have not gotten my "girl thing" in 2 months. NO I'm not preggers I have taken a zillion blood tests, my doctor says I am just stressed internally. Not to mention my financial situation. My rent is due today and I cannot pay it. I am really struggling. I need to get shit back in order! I just feel once this is all over things will go back to the way they were but at least more stable. Anyway it probably seems like I am shouting and that I am upset but to be honest I feel worlds better than I felt yesterday and I am in a very good mood. I am going to be putting up Christmas lights tonight with my family which is always fun, and I love seeing Makenzie she is my princess!!!

Anyway on a total subject change.. I watched the show Hoarders last night and OMG it was the worst one yet. These people are so gross, it's so sad. I mean when you have a dead rotting cat in your house and you don't know about it.. then you have a serious problem. I once watched one where this woman had 17! yest 17!!! dead rotting cats! UGH.. I don't know what made me think of this I just needed to vent about the ridiculousness of that show!

Alright back to work. Happy Tuesday!