My last blog..

It's been a good run, but I think I am going to pack in my blogger days. I want to thank everyone who read them and hopefully had a good laugh at my antics. If you are wondering why I am not going to write anymore, it is simply because even though this is a great outlet to release what you are thinking and feeling it is still "online". Even though I am not a girl of many secrets, I feel sometimes I want to be more emotional and dive deeper into how I am feeling without a bunch of people knowing. I am having my surgery on Monday, December 21st, 4 days away.. yikes! Wish me luck! I hope everyone has a great Holiday Season and a Happy New year!!

That's all folks! I'm out.

NOW I'M REALLY REALLY! HAPPY!

So. They called me back to confirm Monday, December 21st. Yep a whole week earlier. I am so beyond happy and excited I can't even say it enough. Something that I have been planning for, preparing for and looking forward to since the beginning of October finally is happening!! I was so beyond disappointed when It was cancelled on the 3rd, and then to find out that I would have to wait until the end of January. I mean I really felt like nothing was working out. I am so ready for this. I want it so bad, I'm OK with it ruining my Christmas eve and New Years eve. This is so much more important. I feel like things are back on track and I'm finally over my big hurdle. But in reality the journey has just begun and I truly cannot wait!

NOW I'M REALLY HAPPY!

I just got a phone call from my doctor telling me that my insurance has reversed my appeal and my surgery is now APPROVED!!!!!!!!
And now for even better news, I am going tomorrow after work at 5:30 to see if the can reschedule it earlier. It was suppose to be January 21st and now there might be an opening for Monday, December 28th! That seriously is like the best present in the whole world! I hope and pray and wish that they tell me this can happen. I start Optifast on Thursday... again! OMG I am so excited!!! The only thing is now my New Year's is really going to be boring lol but I really don't care because this is worth it!

happy

I don't know what it is lately, but I have just been in the best mood. It's amazing how girls go from highs to lows and vice verse. Yesterday I pretty much had the best day ever. I actually had a Sunday with Lee, which never happens anymore because of work. What made it even more amazing, was the fact that it was raining and horrible out. I know that sounds very strange but, when that type of a day comes around on a Sunday, it's magical. We actually did go to Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast but then went right home, and spent the day watching TV and a movie. It was pure bliss. Andy cuddled up with us too. Then we went to Lee's moms house for dinner with her and Lee's brother. It was so nice to see them. I have to say it's so weird I actually like my boyfriends mother. I mean I have liked other boyfriends mothers before, but they either didn't like me or we just didn't click. I don't know its just so perfect. I usually don't like using that word for obvious reasons because nothing is perfect. But when it comes to my relationship with Lee, it comes damn close. I never thought in a million years I would find the love of my life. He truly has my heart and I know that I have his. He is the most amazing person/boyfriend I have ever had in my entire life. I am a place in my life where everything looks blurry.. I really don't know my future. Even when I think I do, something always changes, one thing I do know for sure, i know that Lee will always be in my life and that makes me feel so good inside. I know people are reading this like YUCK. I know this is a very mushy blog but I have moments where this stuff really hits me and I felt the need to express it. Its a wonderful thing I hope everyone gets to expereience at least once..

Chapter 2

I decided to take the bull by the horns regarding my surgery. I called today and made an appointment with my doctor and basically demanded we get to the bottom of this insurance situation. He told me the issue is my bmi was too low. So I hopped on the scale and they took my height and I just made it! I guess I must have gained a few extra pounds since finding out it was cancelled. Which by the way is ridiculous. So after that they told me the bad news. That I would have to wait a few weeks before resubmitting my case. My next tentative surgery date is January 21st. Ugh so long away! Let's hope it actually happens.

Big Balls!

For some reason today I decided to walk into my bosses office and ask for a raise. Now I understand that we are in a recession and most people would think that it's crazy and it is. BUT here is the kicker that made me ask. My company used to be around 25-30 people we just sold it to another company and basically the production end is now working and getting paid by another company. I stayed here with the owners and now there is only about 7 employees including the owners. I am the Art Director here and I am the only one left. My other artist is on Maternity bed rest leave until about May 2010 and the freelance artist never comes in because I basically can handle the work load. So I used to be able to lean on 1 or 2 people now I can't. Also our pre-press department was 2 guys who used to help me with computer tech problems. They are not here anymore so again I have no one to help me. I think that being said I am completely justified in asking for a raise. Nothing crazy, just a little something to say "hello you're the only one left of 5 people helping you" here is a little something to let you know we care and appreciate you. When I asked he snickered and said we will talk about it next week, tomorrow is my court date for my DUI. I probably could have picked a better day... what do you think? lol

LOVE LIFE

I'm sitting at my desk listening to Glee songs and for some reason I had this over whelming sense of happiness come over me. I just started to think about my life and how lucky I am to have what I have. There are millions and millions of people all over the world who live with major problems. People who suffer from diseases,hunger or even loneliness. Trust me I don't get it either, I don't know why listening to this music sparked something inside me, but I'm happy it did. I take for granted everyday the amazing life I live. I'm going to try to make a conscience effort to be more appreciative of what I have around me. I am blessed with an amazing family. Great friends who would be there for me no matter what. My wonderful boyfriend who turned out to be everything I wanted and more. I love my job and thankfully still have it after 4 years. Nothing in my life is perfect but my god it comes close when you compare it to the troubles of someone else. I cannot complain. Unfortunately this unrealistic theory won't last because of the world we live in, but I know there will be a time when I am upset and complaining about something and I will try to stop and think and say.. it's not that bad... someone else has it way worse. Look around at where you are and be thankful its not in a war zone. Go home and look at the people you love and be thankful they are still here and in your life because they won't be forever. Be happy you have a car to take you anywhere your heart desires, money to buy anything you want, and food to put in your stomach when your hungry. When you go to sleep tonight think of the pillow under your head and have sweet dreams...

I'm the type of person

who never checks the weather. If I ever claim to know anything about rain or snow or how the weekend is going to be.. it's just because someone told me. I like it wing it. I'm sitting at my desk and I needed to use a paper clip, so I went to take one and there were like 3 linked together. That is so oddly aggravating. It's quiet here every since the production end of my job moved to Oceanside. I come in and I go into the Art Department and it's so quiet you can hear the humming sound of the printer. I thought I would like this, no one to bother me I can just settle in do what I have to do, occasionally go on Facebook (when I say occasionally I mean all the time) but I've come to the conclusion that this is absolutely not what I want and like. I miss the other artists who I used to talk to. I miss my pre press boys! Now I just sit here.. me, 3 macs and a printer. At the very least I get to write and work on things on my pace. But it's still not the same.

on a side note I still have not heard anything regarding my surgery. I'm very dissapointed about the whole thing. I mean who does that happen to? me! You know what is so nervy too? The hospital called me on Thursday asking me if I was going because I had surgery. No one even bothered to call South Nassau to tell them, hey this girl cannot have surgery her insurance isn't covering it, we need to reschedule. ME, THE PATIENT had to do it. I mean really are they serious? Idk all I know is i'm still not totally over this whole thing. The only thing good that came out of it was I was able to redo my living room and I was able to attend my friend Mike's party. Both were great but um.. this life altering surgery that I have been mentally and physically preparing for would have been much better. Ok I'm done now. I got literally 4 hours of sleep last night I guess I'm a little cranky! : /

I read my..

old posts and think it's sad that I wanted that so bad and I know that it never happened. I did everything right. I did everything on time. Why the stupid wrench in the gears!!

what a let down

Out of nowhere today I received a phone call that my insurance company denied to cover my surgery. Yes, the day before! Something that I planned for 2 months. Something that I prepared for, friends and family took off work. Things were arranged to accommodate everything. So you can imagine my disappointment and frustration. I am still, hours later.. shocked! I actually don't think it's really sunk in yet. The good news is that it is being appealed and I will most likely have it next week. But it is not definite and I am going to have to prepare all over again. No food, no drinking, water over load! Ugh I just so wanted to this to be over already. I mean I'm not giving up. I'm not putting all my hope into this but people seem to not understand how much I need a physical restriction. I am 27 and I have been on a diet since I was 13. I don't want to be 35, 40, 45 years old still struggling with keeping my weight off. I'm sick of trying so hard to lose it.. only to gain it back. Anyway, my plan is to stay positive and let things fall where they fall. I am going to try to appeal and find out why they really denied it. If I have the chance to do it, I will. If it never comes, I will just have to deal with it.

Liquids only : /

Guzzling down water and drinking Optifast while my coworkers drink coffee and eat muffins isn't exactly what I call fun! BUT I guess ya gotta do whatcha gotta do. Im getting to the point now where I'm not even nervous at all, I just want it to be over with. I guess it will come soon enough. I'm excited, I just posted my Mardi Gras Party for January on Facebook. It should be fun, last year for our house warming we did a Black and White theme which turned out to be a great time. This year the colors are green, gold and my favorite.. Purple! Also my friend who is a DJ offered to DJ lol.
The funniest part of this whole thing is I love parties but I love when they are at my house so I can decorate. I LOVE to do that. It's the best part. The next morning sucks though. Ugh I will never forget that clean up. It took me 2 days and I don't even know how many rolls of paper towels. I may hire someone to help with the clean up? My parents cleaning lady doesn't charge a lot. I know I know I'm broke where do I get the nerve to even mention that. lol. Alright it's lunch time, I can't wait to kick back and dig into a huge glass of water and another optifast shake!

Anxious

So it's Tuesday. My surgery is 2 days away and I am starting to feel a little nervous. Not even about what is happening but just the sublime. I have no idea what to expect, what is going to happen or how I am going to deal/react to it. All I can think about is how after I will have my control back. I hate that feeling of not being in control or not being able to trust yourself. I so want this to be over already. Yesterday when I was at work I got into this huge argument with my boss and I ended up crying in from of him which is SO not my thing. I just burst out into tears and told him that I was stressing out over so many things. He basically crawled into a ball and walked away. He felt so bad. But I felt so bad for losing my cool especially in a work environment. I mean I totally lost respect. I told him to get out of my office and to leave me alone and I never do that! ever! I have never done that in all my years of working. But not for nothing but this time last year, my grandmother passed away. I am having surgery in 2 days and I have not gotten my "girl thing" in 2 months. NO I'm not preggers I have taken a zillion blood tests, my doctor says I am just stressed internally. Not to mention my financial situation. My rent is due today and I cannot pay it. I am really struggling. I need to get shit back in order! I just feel once this is all over things will go back to the way they were but at least more stable. Anyway it probably seems like I am shouting and that I am upset but to be honest I feel worlds better than I felt yesterday and I am in a very good mood. I am going to be putting up Christmas lights tonight with my family which is always fun, and I love seeing Makenzie she is my princess!!!

Anyway on a total subject change.. I watched the show Hoarders last night and OMG it was the worst one yet. These people are so gross, it's so sad. I mean when you have a dead rotting cat in your house and you don't know about it.. then you have a serious problem. I once watched one where this woman had 17! yest 17!!! dead rotting cats! UGH.. I don't know what made me think of this I just needed to vent about the ridiculousness of that show!

Alright back to work. Happy Tuesday!